I should not whip my hair back and forth

There are things I forget that I shouldn’t do.

Eat apples for one. While I’ve never gotten a formal allergy diagnosis, they do make me farty as hell.  Not the kind you get away with by squeaking a chair at the some time. Maybe the kind you can get away with if  you time it with the buzzer at hockey game.

Yet every once in a while I see an apple and go “damn, that would be great right now”. And it’s only later, when I have become a human bass trumpet, that I remember why it’s been so long since I’ve had apples.

This morning I woke up excited for the prospect of a day of writing and creating, off from my usual day job. I was planning a coffee crawl type day where I bounced from neighborhood spot to spot with my iPad. After showering, I checked the outside temperature to see if i needed to blow dry my hair so it didn’t freeze. A balmy 37* seemed practically tropical after a few days in the low 20s. I thought about how back in college we used to flip hair back and forth like headbangers to make the drying process quicker. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d done it, and thought ‘why not?!’.

A couple of enthusiastic hair swings back and forth later, I stood back up to full height and the room wobbled.

Ah right. I have a brain injury. That’s why I haven’t done that in a long time.

Most days I almost forget about several dozen concussions that have shaped my life and path thus far. Most days, I walk through life with a combination of medicine and strategies to keep myself from excacerbating any symptoms or sustaining another concussion; I move at a measured pace through the world with a service dog at my side, wearing special glasses to mitigate the light sensitivity, and earplugs attached to my ears via earrings that are always at the ready when the sound gets too much. I don’t spend much time in overly crowded or unfamiliar areas, and I sit with my back to the corner as best I can when out in public.

I don’t go on roller coasters or bumper cars, raves aren’t really my thing any more, and paintballing is definitely out of the question.

I just forgot about not whipping my hair back and forth.

Unlike apples, the consequences of this forgotten no-no, can wreck my next few days.

I go into a well conditioned protocol. I take a beat and slow my breathing while I take stock of the feeling in my head. I catalogue pain, pressure, balance, nausea, sound and light sensitivity and overall foggy ness. I begin to prepare to have to modify my next few days of activity.

Luckily, today is a Friday of a long weekend, and my only set plans are Sunday the Eagles are in the playoffs and I will be sitting at the local tavern, singing the fight song along with a room full of other nuts. But If I’m not deliberate about taking care of myself today, I may not be able to have that experience. So instead of a coffee crawl, I head out to a local place where I know I can get a good breakfast.

I check the menu in advance and decide what I want so I don’t have to worry about that when I get there. I pack the bag of possibilities full of Ellie treats, writing materialsm and an assortment of my daily and occasionally meds. A tumblr of water packed with electrolytes, some aqua for, headphones, and a pair of migraine specific glasses all get tossed in.

I can feel the fog deepen, as I know it usually does, so packing for all possibilities helps me mitigate any future issues. That being said, it takes me 2-3 times as many laps around my kitchen island and studio space to gather everything. My sense of object permanence declines significantly in times like these, so I walk into the bathroom to grab an alka seltzer and instead remember to put moisturizer on and walk back out without the alka seltzer and on walking out I remember to grab my portable charger and put it on the table next to my bag where I remember I need to grab a case for my migraine glasses, which I think I left in the bathroom where I remember to grab the alka seltzer and also my earplugs that are hanging on the wall, try not to chastise myself for forgetting about the alka seltzer, walk back outside and grab my keyboard from my desk, where I walk determinedly into my kitchen and immediately forget my purpose in doing so.

My sweet Ellie is very patient with me as by now she’s very eager to get outside for the day. Treats! I grab her treats and a wood popsicle and toss them into my bag along with the pile that had amassed on my kitchen island. iPad, phone, wallet, meds, Ellie treats, portable charger, water bottle, hair clip, migraine glasses. I check on my person and find both rings on my right hand, my watch on my left, a sacred necklace, earplug earrings in my ears, glasses on, hair….a bit weird from the head tossing and curl spray i don’t think quite works but qfidgaf (quite frankly i dont give a fuck). I put my jacket on, put Ellie’s vest on, grab my bag, do one last mental check, and head out.

Either today is extrordinarily bright, or the light sensitivity is deafening as we walk out of our building. My glasses adjust to the light, but it takes a second.

We walk through the neighborhood, our destination only a few blocks away. I only nearly trip once, but thankfully most of the snow from this weekend is melted. We make it to the cafe without much incident, tho as we walk down Fairmount avenue I’m reminded that even though it’s a Friday, there is some kind of Eagles bus tour stopping at a different cafe just past the Penitentiary. I can see the shoulder to shoulder mass of folks ahead of us and a trickle of green clad folks walking towards my direction. My heart rate spikes as we turn into the cafe, and I sit at a bar seat with Ellie that I realize very quickly feels incredibly vulnerable as my back is to the door. So, like a crazy lady, I switch seats to the end of the bar, and Ellie tucks underneath me, confused but nonplussed.

I reach into my bag to pull out my iPad and start to write, only to find I’ve forgotten to charge it. And although I’ve brought my portable charger, I forgot the connecting chord.

By the time I’ve had my cold brew and eggs on toast, I feel a bit more settled and less jumpy. There’s no panic, and I’m hyper aware of how my head feels (like a giant stuffed mushroom, but not painful).

I think I’ll go for a float later. Let the water hold up the heavy brain and crackling body, washing away the days gravity in a still rocking sway.